What does a life coach actually do?
Ever wondered what a life coach actually does?
This blog explains my approach to life coaching, what happens in a coaching session, who I work with, and why you don't need to have your life figured out before you begin.
Whenever I mention that I'm a life coach, the next question is almost always:
"So... what does a life coach actually do?" It's a fair question.
Coaching is one of those professions that people have often heard of, but many aren't quite sure what actually happens in a coaching session.
Some people imagine being given advice or a step-by-step plan. Others think it's about setting goals, staying accountable or having someone motivate you.
There are coaches who work that way.
I'm not one of them.
The people I work with
I often work with people when something in their life no longer feels right, even if they can't quite explain why. I call it that the fidgety feeling.
From the outside, life may look absolutely fine. They have a good job. A family. Friends. A home. But underneath, something has shifted.
They might be questioning their career. They might be wondering who they are now that life around them has changed. Their relationships may have shifted, or they may simply be asking themselves, "Where do I go from here?"
Often, they don't arrive with a clear question. They just know they can't carry on exactly as they are.
My role isn't to tell you what to do
People are sometimes surprised when I say this. My role is never to tell you what to do or to pretend I have all the answers.
If I simply gave you my opinion, you'd probably leave with my solution rather than discovering what's genuinely right for you.
Instead, my role is to help you untangle what's going on, understand what's changed and why, gently challenge some of the assumptions you're making, and create the space for you to hear yourself think again. That process matters.
Because so much of the time, we're trying to solve today's questions using yesterday's assumptions.
You don't need to have everything figured out first
One of the biggest misconceptions about coaching is that you need to know exactly what you want before you begin.
You don't.
In fact, that's often the very reason people come to coaching. We figure it out together. Clarity doesn't have to come before we begin.
That's what our conversations are for. As we talk, reflect, question and explore, things begin to make sense. Patterns become clearer. Values become easier to recognise. The things that matter most start to stand out.
The next step doesn't suddenly appear because someone tells you what to do. It appears because you've created enough space to hear yourself clearly again.
What people leave with
Every coaching conversation is different because every person is different.
But over time, I often see people leave with something they didn't have when they arrived.
Not necessarily all the answers, but a clearer understanding of themselves.
Greater confidence in their own judgement. Permission to stop living according to old expectations.
And the confidence to make decisions that fit the person they are now, rather than the person they used to be.
Is coaching right for you?
Coaching isn't right for everyone.
If you're looking for someone to give you instructions or tell you exactly what to do next, I'm not the right coach.
But if you've recognised that fidgety feeling - if something no longer fits, if you're questioning what's next, or if you're longing for the space to hear yourself think again - then coaching might be exactly what you need.
You don't have to arrive with a plan.
You don't even have to know what the problem is yet.
We can figure that out together.
If this sounds familiar, I'd love to have a conversation with you. A discovery chat is simply an opportunity to explore what's going on and see whether coaching with me feels like the right fit.
Does your life need descaling?
Resentment can quietly build up like limescale in a kettle, clogging your emotional system until you boil over. This piece explores how to release what’s been building, help you find perspective and create space for change.
The Kettle Effect : When Resentment Starts to Build Up
You’ve probably seen a kettle that’s caked with scale. Each layer invisible at first, until over time it slows the flow, dulls the heat and your cup of tea begins to taste a little odd.
The same can happen in our inner lives: little resentments, unspoken frustrations, and neglected emotional tension - all of this gradually building up until we begin to feel stuck, antsy or reactive (or should I say explosive!)
Why Resentment Builds Slowly
Resentment rarely arrives as a tidal wave does it. It creeps in. You feel slighted by a passing comment, frustrated that something never changed, quietly disappointed that your needs went unmet, and you let it go, again. Over time, those unexpressed reactions accumulate like scale.
Signs you might need descaling!
You catch yourself getting defensive or snappy over small things
You feel fatigued, as if you’re carrying invisible weight
You replay old scenes in your head, lingering on what should have been different
Something (or someone) triggers a disproportionate reaction
You feel cynical, closed, or disconnected from people you used to be close with
When we don’t acknowledge these simmering charges, they begin to affect our mental state, relationships with colleagues or those at home, and even our physical energy.
What happens when you let it fester?
Over time, the pressure takes its toll:
Emotional weariness - the constant internal friction drains you
Strained relationships - unspoken grievances distort how you connect
Stuckness - you find it harder to move forward because old resentments anchor you
Reactive behaviour - little irritations become big eruptions (think outbursts)
Avoidance or numbing - burying the tension with distractions, overwork, perfectionism
The scale build up isn’t just symbolic, it steals your emotional bandwidth, distorts your perception, and interrupts harmony within yourself.
How to descale: clearing out the build-up.
The good news is you can descale your life. It’s not an all-or-nothing process, it’s gradual, intentional, and a be-kind-to-yourself kinda attitude. Here’s my suggestions:
Notice the heat: Take a pause. Notice tension in the body? Irritations in your mind? Ask: Where am I holding pressure now?
Micro-release moments: Don’t wait for “big events.” Use journaling, have a ten minute walk, take a deep breath, or have a safe conversation to off load.
Reflect (not ruminate): Ask yourself “What is this irritation trying to tell me?” What aspect of me feels unseen or unheard?
Speak & express how you feel: Use “I” statements or write an email / journal those thoughts and your frustrations. Name what you felt and what you needed instead. Sometimes voice can silence the echo so make a voice note (try it - believe me it works!)
Set boundaries or make small adjustments: Letting go doesn’t always mean forgiving outwardly or reconciling, sometimes it means choosing differently, saying no, or stepping back.
Return to what matters: When you feel resentment building, go back to your values. What do you need more of? Honesty, space, respect, balance? Let those be your compass as you decide what stays and what needs to change.
Little and often: Small, regular moments of release to ease the tension (or build up of scale) a short walk, jotting things down, saying no (form those boundaries!) do far more good than one big emotional purge.
When coaching helps, from insight to habit shift.
Resentment is uncomfortable because it often connects to identity, your unmet needs, old patterns of justice, or fear. As a life coach, I help you lean into:
noticing where old patterns are still operating
rebuilding capacity to be present with discomfort
creating new micro-habits of emotional hygiene
aligning everyday choices with what truly matters
If you ever feel stuck in those cycles, coaching gives you a sounding board (guided reflection in true coaching terms) and a space to see things differently with accountability and structure too.
Your descaling ritual: 5x questions to reflect on:
What’s a small resentment I notice now (today or this week)?
What body sensation accompanies it (tightness, heaviness, clenched jaw)?
What might it be pointing toward (blurred boundaries)?
How can I stop this feeling from festering? Share it, say it, or set it down somehow.
What shifted after you let it go? Did naming it help ease it, even a little?”
Final Word:
The kettle does its job best when it’s clean. You do yours best when your mindset is clear too, or when pressure is relieved before it becomes destructive. Resentment doesn’t always demand confrontation, sometimes it asks for presence, curiosity, and a little kindness toward yourself.
If you’ve been feeling a bit stuck or on edge lately, it might be that you’re carrying too much emotional build-up, or to keep the ‘scale’ theme going, you’re simply laden with unspent emotional scale (those little frustrations at other people’s behaviour). You don’t have to wait for a crisis to start descaling. (Have I used the word ‘scale’ enough yet)??
Pssst…
I’m Vivienne, a life and career coach based in London, but thanks to Zoom, I work with clients wherever they are.
I work with people who feel restless, find themselves going round in circles, or are ready for a reset. Often at those crossroads when everything feels jumbled and you can’t see the wood for the trees. Coaching helps you untangle what’s been building up and clear out what’s weighing you down, so you can reconnect with what matters most.
When you clear out resentment, you make space for perspective and agency, and that’s when real change starts to happen.
If this piece resonated with you, book a free discovery chat with me, a no-pressure conversation to see if working together could help you feel lighter, clearer, and more in control of what’s next.