How Life Coaching Works: The Corridor, the Doors and the Dressing-Up Box

A question I’m asked a lot is:

“So… how does life coaching actually work?”

Good question!

Coaching can feel a bit like smoke and mirrors if you’ve never experienced it.

So instead of giving someone a textbook definition, I usually explain it visually.

Life coaching isn’t advice or therapy. It’s a structured conversation designed to help you think clearly about what you want and how to move towards it.

Imagine this: you and I are standing at the beginning of a long corridor.

At the end of that corridor is a door, behind which is your next chapter. Let’s call it a version of your life that feels more in tune or aligned with who you are now.

You might not know exactly what’s behind that door yet, but you have a sense you want to move towards it, you’re just not sure how to begin.

As we walk down the corridor together, there are doors on the left and right and above each door is a label:

Why am I in this rut?

Why do I feel things could be better?

 What kind of job do I actually want?

Where do I want to live?

Am I living how I thought I would be?

Do I stay? Do I leave?

We open a metaphorical door. We go in. We explore (by me asking you questions).

Sometimes you’ll walk out and say, “You know what? I thought I wanted to become an astronaut… but actually, no.” And you close the door.

Other times you might leave the door ajar “That’s interesting. I’m not ready to say yes to that idea, but I’m not saying no either.” There’s no rush. No finger-wagging of “you’ve said this before.”

Instead, I’ll ask the questions you already know need asking but have been too afraid to face.

Why have you been holding onto that idea?
What’s stopped you acting on it before?
What are you afraid might happen?
What would happen if you did it anyway?

The questions aren’t antagonistic, but they are gently challenging. Because it’s in the sticking points that we uncover what’s really going on.

So why not just talk to your friends or family? You can and why don’t you?

But remember, the people who love you come with history, a different perspective and, however well-meaning, their own agenda. They know you as you’ve always been, not who you could be.

Coaching gives you a neutral thinking space.

A place where you can ramble. Change your mind. Say that unfiltered thing out loud without recourse. Admit that you’re bored and restless. Ambitious but lost. Ready but nervous. You get what I’m trying to say.

I don’t judge. I don’t tut-tut at your ideas or say, “But you’ve been saying that for years.”

Working with me is supportive. A safe space to think without a deadline. A place to make sense of and untangle what’s in your head.

The Dressing-Up Box

Another way I explain it is this; imagine a huge dressing-up box. Inside are all your ideas. Career changes. Side projects. New cities. Different lifestyles. A new way of being as you navigate midlife.

Think of each one as an outfit and in coaching, you get to try them on.

Does this fit?

Is this me now or who I used to be?

Does this match the life I actually want?

Am I choosing this because I love it or because I think I should?

Some outfits will feel ridiculous. Some will feel almost right. And eventually, one will feel like your second skin. Comfortable yet tailored. Something that makes you feel confident and more like the present version of you.

Call it clarity if you like (a word the coaching world adores and I tolerate).

Or refer to it as reconnecting with yourself, rediscovering what’s possible, and feeling more in control of the life you’re creating. And who doesn’t want that?

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If you’re standing in that corridor right now wondering which door to open next, or circling the same questions and wanting a neutral space to think things through, coaching might help.

Book a discovery chat and we can start opening a few of those doors together.

Does your life need descaling?

The Kettle Effect : When Resentment Starts to Build Up

You’ve probably seen a kettle that’s caked with scale. Each layer invisible at first, until over time it slows the flow, dulls the heat and your cup of tea begins to taste a little odd.

The same can happen in our inner lives: little resentments, unspoken frustrations, and neglected emotional tension - all of this gradually building up until we begin to feel stuck, antsy or reactive (or should I say explosive!)

Why Resentment Builds Slowly

Resentment rarely arrives as a tidal wave does it. It creeps in. You feel slighted by a passing comment, frustrated that something never changed, quietly disappointed that your needs went unmet, and you let it go, again. Over time, those unexpressed reactions accumulate like scale.

Signs you might need descaling!

• You catch yourself getting defensive or snappy over small things

• You feel fatigued, as if you’re carrying invisible weight

• You replay old scenes in your head, lingering on what should have been different

• Something (or someone) triggers a disproportionate reaction

• You feel cynical, closed, or disconnected from people you used to be close with

When we don’t acknowledge these simmering charges, they begin to affect our mental state, relationships with colleagues or those at home, and even our physical energy.

What happens when you let it fester?

Over time, the pressure takes its toll:

• Emotional weariness - the constant internal friction drains you

• Strained relationships - unspoken grievances distort how you connect

• Stuckness - you find it harder to move forward because old resentments anchor you

• Reactive behaviour - little irritations become big eruptions (think outbursts)

• Avoidance or numbing - burying the tension with distractions, overwork, perfectionism

The scale build up isn’t just symbolic, it steals your emotional bandwidth, distorts your perception, and interrupts harmony within yourself.

How to descale: clearing out the build-up.

The good news is you can descale your life. It’s not an all-or-nothing process, it’s gradual, intentional, and a be-kind-to-yourself kinda attitude. Here’s my suggestions:

1. Notice the heat: Take a pause. Notice tension in the body? Irritations in your mind? Ask: Where am I holding pressure now?

2. Micro-release moments: Don’t wait for “big events.” Use journaling, have a ten minute walk, take a deep breath, or have a safe conversation to off load.

3. Reflect (not ruminate): Ask yourself “What is this irritation trying to tell me?” What aspect of me feels unseen or unheard?

4. Speak & express how you feel: Use “I” statements or write an email / journal those thoughts and your frustrations. Name what you felt and what you needed instead. Sometimes voice can silence the echo so make a voice note (try it - believe me it works!)

5. Set boundaries or make small adjustments: Letting go doesn’t always mean forgiving outwardly or reconciling, sometimes it means choosing differently, saying no, or stepping back.

6. Return to what matters: When you feel resentment building, go back to your values. What do you need more of? Honesty, space, respect, balance? Let those be your compass as you decide what stays and what needs to change.

7. Little and often: Small, regular moments of release to ease the tension (or build up of scale) a short walk, jotting things down, saying no (form those boundaries!) do far more good than one big emotional purge.

When coaching helps, from insight to habit shift.

Resentment is uncomfortable because it often connects to identity, your unmet needs, old patterns of justice, or fear. As a life coach, I help you lean into:

• noticing where old patterns are still operating

• rebuilding capacity to be present with discomfort

• creating new micro-habits of emotional hygiene

• aligning everyday choices with what truly matters

If you ever feel stuck in those cycles, coaching gives you a sounding board (guided reflection in true coaching terms) and a space to see things differently with accountability and structure too.

Your descaling ritual: 5x questions to reflect on:

• What’s a small resentment I notice now (today or this week)?

• What body sensation accompanies it (tightness, heaviness, clenched jaw)?

• What might it be pointing toward (blurred boundaries)?

• How can I stop this feeling from festering? Share it, say it, or set it down somehow.

• What shifted after you let it go? Did naming it help ease it, even a little?”

Final Word:

The kettle does its job best when it’s clean. You do yours best when your mindset is clear too, or when pressure is relieved before it becomes destructive. Resentment doesn’t always demand confrontation, sometimes it asks for presence, curiosity, and a little kindness toward yourself.

If you’ve been feeling a bit stuck or on edge lately, it might be that you’re carrying too much emotional build-up, or to keep the ‘scale’ theme going, you’re simply laden with unspent emotional scale (those little frustrations at other people’s behaviour). You don’t have to wait for a crisis to start descaling. (Have I used the word ‘scale’ enough yet)??

Pssst…

I’m Vivienne, a life and career coach based in London, but thanks to Zoom, I work with clients wherever they are.

I work with people who feel restless, find themselves going round in circles, or are ready for a reset. Often at those crossroads when everything feels jumbled and you can’t see the wood for the trees. Coaching helps you untangle what’s been building up and clear out what’s weighing you down, so you can reconnect with what matters most.

When you clear out resentment, you make space for perspective and agency, and that’s when real change starts to happen.

If this piece resonated with you, book a free discovery chat with me, a no-pressure conversation to see if working together could help you feel lighter, clearer, and more in control of what’s next.

Your first step towards clarity: The discovery chat.

When people enquire about working with me, I always suggest booking a free discovery chat first. It’s not a sales pitch, it’s a genuine conversation - a chance for us both to explore whether coaching is the right step for you right now.

Here are 5 reasons why I suggest taking this first step:

1. To explore your aspirations

We’ll dive into your hopes and goals, as well as the uncertainties that may be holding you back. It’s often the first time people have voiced these things out loud.

2. To understand your challenges

We’ll talk about what’s going on in your life now, the challenges you’re facing, and what draws you to coaching in the first place.

3. To name the obstacles

Together, we’ll identify the obvious roadblocks in your path and look at how coaching can help you navigate or overcome them.

4. To get a feel for my coaching style

Coaching is personal - you need to feel comfortable with me and the way I work. This chat gives you a taste of what our sessions might feel like.

5. To make sure you get the right support

If I believe another style of coaching or therapy might suit you better, I’ll say so. The aim is to make sure you get the support you need, even if that isn’t with me.

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At its heart, the discovery chat is about connection. It’s an opportunity to pause in the middle of life’s noise, reflect on what really matters to you, and begin shaping what comes next with clarity and confidence - with me there to really listen.

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Ready to explore?

Midlife can feel messy, uncertain, or full of “what now?” questions. You don’t have to figure it out alone. Start by booking a free discovery chat with me and start a conversation designed to help you pause, reflect, and decide what’s next with more confidence.

Book your discovery chat here.

Remember: you don’t need to have everything figured out before you start. You just need the curiosity to take the first step.

Why Conversations with Vivienne returned.

Supper Club, February 2024.

My guests were asked to think back to when they were around 18 or so and to remember how they thought their life might play out in adulthood before they arrived.

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I’ve always loved connecting people and sparking discussions with a purpose. Through my life and work I get to meet so many interesting, brilliant humans and I wanted to bring some of them together to explore different perspectives.

Just before the pandemic threw us all a curve ball, I had started what were then called Vivienne’s Supper Clubs. A guest speaker would share their expertise or story, from author Janine van Someren on the positivity of psychology, to Kevin Braddock book on Why Asking for Help Matters, Zoe Tuffs on Hive Behaviours, and Ruth Ramsay on erotic empowerment.

The very first Supper Club back in February 2020 centred on Imposter Syndrome. Since then, the format has evolved, but the heart of it remains the same: relaxed conversations that inspire, challenge, and connect.

Now called Conversations with Vivienne, think of it as a space to hear stories, share ideas, learn, and reflect. I cook something delicious, light the candles, and bring together a table of guests to explore a question that keeps surfacing as my clients navigate midlife transitions.

The first topic for this new season was: Why do we want to lead a more intentional life?

It felt timely. Over that year, many of my clients had been exploring how they could live with more intention, and I wanted to see how others reflected on the same question. Guests were invited to think back to their younger selves: did life unfold as expected, or had it been more like a game of snakes and ladders? And how intentional do they feel now?

As I asked them:

“Have you become more intentional as the years have gone on, or are you still wondering what the f**k am I doing and when will I grow up?”

And for the next one? We’ll be diving into a topic all about identity and role models. Do we get to choose them, and can we become our own role models if no one out there quite fits what we’re looking for?

Want to Make Progress Every Month? Here’s How:

Imagine looking back at the end of the year and feeling genuinely proud of the progress you’ve made every single month.

Yes! I am aware we are barely half way through January but you might as well start now!

What if you could focus on one meaningful goal at a time, guiding your decisions and actions with purpose? Here’s a simple framework to help you achieve exactly that.

Step 1: Identify Your “One Thing”

Start by choosing one clear goal to focus on each month, it can be personal or professional. Your “One Thing” is the goal that, if achieved, will make all your efforts worthwhile. It’s the goal that will create a ripple effect across other areas of your life.

Write it down. 

Keep it visible; on a post-it note, your journal, or a blank sheet of paper. 

Now, do this twelve times with different goals, one for each month of the year. 

These “One Things” will serve as your guideposts for the year, helping you:

• Prioritise what truly matters.

• Filter out distractions and irrelevant opportunities.

• Say “no” to what doesn’t align with your goals.

Step 2: Stream of Consciousness Brainstorming

While deciding on your “One Thing,” it’s natural for your mind to race with ideas, to-dos, and “shoulds.” Capture these thoughts so they don’t derail you (this bit is important to help you not lose focus on working out your One Thing) Think of it as a brain dump (why is there not a nicer word for this action?) where everything goes onto paper.

Here’s what to jot down:

• All the things you want to achieve in the coming year.

• All the things you’ve been avoiding but know will make a difference.

• The long-term ‘important but not urgent’ goals you keep postponing.

• Daring or exciting ideas that feel a little “out there” but light you up.

Write each idea on its own post-it note or page. Once you’ve done this, set these aside for review in three months. Remember to add a reminder in your calendar to revisit them. Some will still resonate (I call those ‘keepers’) some you’ll say 'what on earth was I thinking?’ and others are simply not worth pursuing.  

Step 3: Accountability Is Key

Having goals is one thing; sticking to them is another. To stay on track remind yourself of the satisfaction you’ll feel when you’ve followed through. Visualise how proud and “smug” you’ll be knowing you’ve made consistent progress.

Here are ways to stay accountable:

• Share your “One Thing” with a friend, colleague, or life coach (that’s me!).

• Keep a monthly check-in; make a note of your progress and challenges.

• Celebrate small wins to maintain momentum. (I will buy myself a doughnut).

Ready to Commit to Your “One Thing”?

If you’re feeling stuck at a crossroads and aren’t sure where to begin, I can help. Together, we’ll explore what your “One Things” could be, clarify your priorities, and build accountability into the process. Imagine the sense of direction and progress you’ll feel by committing to yourself this year.

Book a discovery chat and take the first step. Remember! Your future self will thank you.

👋🏼 I'm Vivienne, a life and career coach. And if you are ready to create structure, make progress, and move forward with clarity? Let’s talk. Book a free discovery chat with me and let’s start mapping out what’s next for you. Your future self will thank you!