Does your life need descaling?
The Kettle Effect : When Resentment Starts to Build Up
You’ve probably seen a kettle that’s caked with scale. Each layer invisible at first, until over time it slows the flow, dulls the heat and your cup of tea begins to taste a little odd.
The same can happen in our inner lives: little resentments, unspoken frustrations, and neglected emotional tension - all of this gradually building up until we begin to feel stuck, antsy or reactive (or should I say explosive!)
Why Resentment Builds Slowly
Resentment rarely arrives as a tidal wave does it. It creeps in. You feel slighted by a passing comment, frustrated that something never changed, quietly disappointed that your needs went unmet, and you let it go, again. Over time, those unexpressed reactions accumulate like scale.
Signs you might need descaling!
You catch yourself getting defensive or snappy over small things
You feel fatigued, as if you’re carrying invisible weight
You replay old scenes in your head, lingering on what should have been different
Something (or someone) triggers a disproportionate reaction
You feel cynical, closed, or disconnected from people you used to be close with
When we don’t acknowledge these simmering charges, they begin to affect our mental state, relationships with colleagues or those at home, and even our physical energy.
What happens when you let it fester?
Over time, the pressure takes its toll:
Emotional weariness - the constant internal friction drains you
Strained relationships - unspoken grievances distort how you connect
Stuckness - you find it harder to move forward because old resentments anchor you
Reactive behaviour - little irritations become big eruptions (think outbursts)
Avoidance or numbing - burying the tension with distractions, overwork, perfectionism
The scale build up isn’t just symbolic, it steals your emotional bandwidth, distorts your perception, and interrupts harmony within yourself.
How to descale: clearing out the build-up.
The good news is you can descale your life. It’s not an all-or-nothing process, it’s gradual, intentional, and a be-kind-to-yourself kinda attitude. Here’s my suggestions:
Notice the heat: Take a pause. Notice tension in the body? Irritations in your mind? Ask: Where am I holding pressure now?
Micro-release moments: Don’t wait for “big events.” Use journaling, have a ten minute walk, take a deep breath, or have a safe conversation to off load.
Reflect (not ruminate): Ask yourself “What is this irritation trying to tell me?” What aspect of me feels unseen or unheard?
Speak & express how you feel: Use “I” statements or write an email / journal those thoughts and your frustrations. Name what you felt and what you needed instead. Sometimes voice can silence the echo so make a voice note (try it - believe me it works!)
Set boundaries or make small adjustments: Letting go doesn’t always mean forgiving outwardly or reconciling, sometimes it means choosing differently, saying no, or stepping back.
Return to what matters: When you feel resentment building, go back to your values. What do you need more of? Honesty, space, respect, balance? Let those be your compass as you decide what stays and what needs to change.
Little and often: Small, regular moments of release to ease the tension (or build up of scale) a short walk, jotting things down, saying no (form those boundaries!) do far more good than one big emotional purge.
When coaching helps, from insight to habit shift.
Resentment is uncomfortable because it often connects to identity, your unmet needs, old patterns of justice, or fear. As a life coach, I help you lean into:
noticing where old patterns are still operating
rebuilding capacity to be present with discomfort
creating new micro-habits of emotional hygiene
aligning everyday choices with what truly matters
If you ever feel stuck in those cycles, coaching gives you a sounding board (guided reflection in true coaching terms) and a space to see things differently with accountability and structure too.
Your descaling ritual: 5x questions to reflect on:
What’s a small resentment I notice now (today or this week)?
What body sensation accompanies it (tightness, heaviness, clenched jaw)?
What might it be pointing toward (blurred boundaries)?
How can I stop this feeling from festering? Share it, say it, or set it down somehow.
What shifted after you let it go? Did naming it help ease it, even a little?”
Final Word:
The kettle does its job best when it’s clean. You do yours best when your mindset is clear too, or when pressure is relieved before it becomes destructive. Resentment doesn’t always demand confrontation, sometimes it asks for presence, curiosity, and a little kindness toward yourself.
If you’ve been feeling a bit stuck or on edge lately, it might be that you’re carrying too much emotional build-up, or to keep the ‘scale’ theme going, you’re simply laden with unspent emotional scale (those little frustrations at other people’s behaviour). You don’t have to wait for a crisis to start descaling. (Have I used the word ‘scale’ enough yet)??
Pssst…
I’m Vivienne, a life and career coach based in London, but thanks to Zoom, I work with clients wherever they are.
I work with people who feel restless, find themselves going round in circles, or are ready for a reset. Often at those crossroads when everything feels jumbled and you can’t see the wood for the trees. Coaching helps you untangle what’s been building up and clear out what’s weighing you down, so you can reconnect with what matters most.
When you clear out resentment, you make space for perspective and agency, and that’s when real change starts to happen.
If this piece resonated with you, book a free discovery chat with me, a no-pressure conversation to see if working together could help you feel lighter, clearer, and more in control of what’s next.