How Life Coaching Works: The Corridor, the Doors and the Dressing-Up Box

A question I’m asked a lot is:

“So… how does life coaching actually work?”

Good question!

Coaching can feel a bit like smoke and mirrors if you’ve never experienced it.

So instead of giving someone a textbook definition, I usually explain it visually.

Life coaching isn’t advice or therapy. It’s a structured conversation designed to help you think clearly about what you want and how to move towards it.

Imagine this: you and I are standing at the beginning of a long corridor.

At the end of that corridor is a door, behind which is your next chapter. Let’s call it a version of your life that feels more in tune or aligned with who you are now.

You might not know exactly what’s behind that door yet, but you have a sense you want to move towards it, you’re just not sure how to begin.

As we walk down the corridor together, there are doors on the left and right and above each door is a label:

Why am I in this rut?

Why do I feel things could be better?

 What kind of job do I actually want?

Where do I want to live?

Am I living how I thought I would be?

Do I stay? Do I leave?

We open a metaphorical door. We go in. We explore (by me asking you questions).

Sometimes you’ll walk out and say, “You know what? I thought I wanted to become an astronaut… but actually, no.” And you close the door.

Other times you might leave the door ajar “That’s interesting. I’m not ready to say yes to that idea, but I’m not saying no either.” There’s no rush. No finger-wagging of “you’ve said this before.”

Instead, I’ll ask the questions you already know need asking but have been too afraid to face.

Why have you been holding onto that idea?
What’s stopped you acting on it before?
What are you afraid might happen?
What would happen if you did it anyway?

The questions aren’t antagonistic, but they are gently challenging. Because it’s in the sticking points that we uncover what’s really going on.

So why not just talk to your friends or family? You can and why don’t you?

But remember, the people who love you come with history, a different perspective and, however well-meaning, their own agenda. They know you as you’ve always been, not who you could be.

Coaching gives you a neutral thinking space.

A place where you can ramble. Change your mind. Say that unfiltered thing out loud without recourse. Admit that you’re bored and restless. Ambitious but lost. Ready but nervous. You get what I’m trying to say.

I don’t judge. I don’t tut-tut at your ideas or say, “But you’ve been saying that for years.”

Working with me is supportive. A safe space to think without a deadline. A place to make sense of and untangle what’s in your head.

The Dressing-Up Box

Another way I explain it is this; imagine a huge dressing-up box. Inside are all your ideas. Career changes. Side projects. New cities. Different lifestyles. A new way of being as you navigate midlife.

Think of each one as an outfit and in coaching, you get to try them on.

Does this fit?

Is this me now or who I used to be?

Does this match the life I actually want?

Am I choosing this because I love it or because I think I should?

Some outfits will feel ridiculous. Some will feel almost right. And eventually, one will feel like your second skin. Comfortable yet tailored. Something that makes you feel confident and more like the present version of you.

Call it clarity if you like (a word the coaching world adores and I tolerate).

Or refer to it as reconnecting with yourself, rediscovering what’s possible, and feeling more in control of the life you’re creating. And who doesn’t want that?

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If you’re standing in that corridor right now wondering which door to open next, or circling the same questions and wanting a neutral space to think things through, coaching might help.

Book a discovery chat and we can start opening a few of those doors together.

There’s a Jigsaw Piece Missing.

Why so many people in midlife feel “something is missing” even when life looks fine on paper.

What happens when a piece of you goes missing?

How would you connect with that missing piece?

Would you recognise that jigsaw piece anymore?

Sometimes clients come to coaching with a very clear problem:

“I want a new job - help me recognise my transferable skills”
“I’m looking for a big change in my life and want to work through the risks, options and what’s holding me back”
“I want to grow my small independent business”
“I’m turning 30, 40, 50… and I think I need a rethink about what I want for myself now”

But more often than not, people arrive with something much harder to explain as it’s a feeling or a sense that something isn’t quite fitting anymore.

Life looks OK on paper. Work is fine. Relationships are fine.

Nothing is obviously wrong.

And yet there’s this nagging feeling that something is missing.

Like a jigsaw puzzle with one important piece absent.

You can still see the overall picture. You can still function. You can still go to work, reply to emails, book holidays, pay bills, laugh at dinner with friends and go to your regular Pilates class.

But every now and then your brain catches on the gap and thinks: “Hang on, something doesn’t feel right.”

I hear this a lot in coaching conversations, particularly with people in midlife or at some kind of crossroads.

It’s not because everything has fallen apart. Often it’s the opposite.

They’ve built the career (but is it the one they still want?)
Built stability and feel proud of it, but also wonder whether there’s “more”.
Become a competent, reliable, sensible adult but still have a rebellious streak.

Somewhere along the way they’ve drifted away from themselves.

It could be because work has slowly worn them down but likely they’ve outgrown a bit of themselves.

Sometimes life has shifted around them - children growing up, relationships changing, burnout, redundancy, ageing parents, menopause, grief, confidence dips, or simply years of putting themselves last (the latter is incredibly common).

And eventually the question appears: “Is this still working for me?”

That question can feel unsettling because there often isn’t one obvious answer. Usually it’s more subtle than that. It’s about recognising what no longer fits. What feels heavy and is weighing on your mind. What parts of yourself have you minimised? What are you now yearning for but it feels out of reach?

A lot of people assume they need to arrive at coaching with a polished goal or a five-year plan. You don’t. Sometimes the starting point is simply “I can’t keep doing things in the same way.”

From there, we untangle things properly. We look at patterns. Confidence. Values. Identity. Work. Relationships. Energy. Purpose. The things you keep dismissing. The thoughts you’ve shoved to the back of your mind because life has been too busy.

Often the “missing jigsaw piece” isn’t one huge life overhaul.

It’s reconnecting with yourself again. You’ll often hear me ask: “How can you build a tiny bridge towards the next thing?”

And that usually starts by giving yourself enough space to hear your own thoughts properly.

Part of my role is helping you reflect on those subtle intuitive thoughts and paying attention not only to what you say, but also to the things you brush past, minimise or leave unsaid.

If you’re at a point where life feels slightly off, unclear, heavy or no longer quite fitting, coaching can help you slow things down, untangle what’s going on, and work out what needs to change.

You really don’t need all the answers before you start. Book a discovery chat with me and find out how my style of exploratory coaching can help you.

I know I am capable of more, but what ‘more’ is that?

Gut feeling. I’ll work it out as I go. Soul searching. Free fall. Figure it out along the way. What else am I capable of? I know I can do more, but what more is that? I just need a bit of space to think.

Do the words above resonate with you? They were on a merry-go-round in mine for about a year whilst figuring out what I should do next.

Five years ago I changed career. Not that I knew I was going to change my career when I left my job.

Initially I thought my path would continue along the lines of being a PA and Office Manager but pivoting slightly in whom I would work for. However, my subconscious kept trying to shout at me, so I turned up the volume and listened.

What was my subconscious telling me? That I was good at listening. I enjoyed looking after my colleagues. I was good at picking up on changes in people’s moods and behaviour. It was easy for me to make people feel comfortable and relaxed. I was good at giving a different perspective on situations. Tuning into my intuition was part of my everyday life. A shoulder to cry on; I supported colleagues in their lows as well as highs. I knew the intricacies of people’s personalities and why that resulted in strained relationships between some, yet was harmonious between others. And a fun part for me; I noticed the colleagues who had started romances with one another in secret!

Put all of that in a blender and this is what I saw emerging: People centred. Behaviours. Intuition. Gut feeling. Perspective. Sounding board. Listening post. Sympathetic. Supportive. Empathic. Straight talking. Emotional intelligence.

What did I do with that information?

I sat on it.

I thought about it.

I talked about it.

I listened to what friends thought I could do with these skills.

I let myself daydream.

Asked myself ‘but what is your gut telling you?’ and ‘what do you think you would naturally be good at’

and most importantly ‘what don’t you want to do’

And it was that last question that gave me the confidence to embark on a new career.

A Life Coach. This role fits me perfectly, and it’s one I know I am great at.

Changing chapters isn’t easy, but if you feel you are capable of more and don’t want to stay cruising in the same lane forever, I suggest taking the time to listen within to see what emerges.

What words are on your internal merry-go-round? If you are still thinking ‘What else am I capable of?’ ‘I know I can do more, but not sure what that more is’ or ‘if I just had a bit of space to think, I would figure it out..’ then book a free discovery chat with me and let’s work out together why my style of exploratory coaching will help you move out of the slow lane.

What have you got to lose in working on your future whilst living your life?