From the No Book Book Club to The Messy Midlife Toolkit: why we started a podcast.

Two coaches, a small group of women, a lot of conversations and an idea that grew into something bigger.

How it started…

It started with a small group of women and an idea that my friend and fellow coach, Dr Janine van Someren, and I had. We christened it The No Book Book Club.

The idea was to bring women together for the sorts of conversations you might have at a book club. Except there were no books to read, no homework and no expectation that anyone needed to have life figured out.

Instead, we talked about life itself. The messy bits of midlife. Careers, confidence, relationships, identity, the expectations we place on ourselves and that question so many of us find ourselves asking: What next?

What became apparent was how much we had in common, despite our different lives, experiences and circumstances.

There was something rather lovely about getting a group of women together and giving everyone space to talk, question, laugh and recognise a little of themselves in someone else's experience.

And it got us thinking. Why should these conversations be confined to a small group?

Janine and I both work with coaching clients who are grappling with many of these same questions. People who feel stuck, are questioning their careers or relationships, have lost confidence or know they want something different but haven't a clue what that might look like.

We knew our clients could benefit from hearing these conversations too. And, of course, these aren't exclusively women's experiences. Midlife can throw up all sorts of questions for all sorts of people.

We wanted to take those conversations beyond the room and make them available to anyone who might find them useful.

And that's how The Messy Midlife Toolkit podcast got its legs.

How it's going: Midlife. Are we supposed to have it all figured out by now?

There's a rather ridiculous expectation that by the time we reach midlife, we should know who we are, what we want, where we're going and ideally have some sort of plan for the next twenty years.

I say poppycock as life just doesn't work like that.

You might have a successful career but find yourself wondering whether you actually want to keep doing it. Friendships that once felt effortless might have changed. Your confidence might have taken a knock, or perhaps you're questioning decisions you made years ago that no longer feel quite right.

And then there's that question that pops up when you least expect it: Is this it?

Parts of your life might be tickety-boo, while other parts feel like chaos. Perhaps you've changed, but your circumstances haven't caught up. Or you've spent so long doing what was expected of you that you've forgotten to ask yourself what you actually want.

What mattered to you five, ten or twenty years ago might not be what matters to you now. And why should it?

What do we hope you'll get from listening?

We want the podcast to feel like you're part of the conversation, rather than being talked at.

Janine and I bring our experience as coaches, our own perspectives and a healthy dose of curiosity to subjects that many of us grapple with.

We ask questions, challenge assumptions and occasionally disagree. And because it's called The Messy Midlife Toolkit, we want to give you something practical to take away.

That might be an exercise, a question worth asking yourself or a different way of looking at a situation.

If you finish an episode thinking, Oh, I hadn't considered that before, then we're doing something worthwhile.

So, what have we been talking about?

Whether you're questioning your career, struggling with confidence or wondering why your friendships have changed, there's probably a conversation here you'll recognise.

We've released six episodes so far, covering everything from identity and overthinking to careers, confidence and friendships.

Here's a little taste of what we've been discussing.

Episode 1: Rediscovering yourself in midlife

Who are you when the roles you've played for years start to change?

Our first episode explores identity and what happens when you realise that the person you've become might not entirely reflect the person you want to be.

We talk about expectations, the labels we collect over the years and why midlife can be an opportunity to get reacquainted with yourself.

Episode 2: Why we spiral - maybe you're not the problem

Ever found yourself overthinking something until a relatively small problem becomes enormous?

We explore why our thoughts can sometimes run away with us, how easily we get caught up in stories and assumptions, and why it's worth allowing the snow to settle before deciding what something means or what to do about it.

Episode 3: The invisible load

Who notices what needs doing, remembers the birthdays and appointments, keeps track of everyone else's needs and somehow ends up responsible for sorting everything out?

We talk about the invisible mental and emotional load that so many people carry, often without realising quite how much they're taking on.

And one of my favourite reminders from this episode is: Just because you noticed it doesn't automatically make it yours.

Episode 4: Where did my confidence go?

Have you really lost your confidence, or has something changed in the way you see yourself?

Confidence is a funny thing. You can be perfectly capable, experienced and successful, yet find yourself questioning your abilities or hesitating to do something new.

We explore why confidence can change during midlife, how it gets knocked and what might help us rebuild it.

We also challenge the idea that you have to feel confident before doing something, sometimes courage has to come first.

Episode 5: A coffee isn't a resignation letter

Have you ever wondered what else you could be doing with your working life but felt guilty, disloyal or downright terrified about exploring other possibilities?

This episode is about career curiosity, questioning your job and giving yourself permission to find out what else might be out there.

Having a conversation doesn't mean you have to leave your job. Exploring an opportunity doesn't mean you're making a commitment.

But who knows where a coffee and a conversation might lead?

Episode 6: Has your friendship got a use-by date?

Can you miss someone and still know that the friendship no longer belongs in your life?

Friendships can be some of the longest relationships of our lives, but what happens when they change?

We explore the friendships that grow with us, those that drift, and those we continue out of history or obligation rather than genuine connection.

We also talk about the impact of different life choices, including choosing not to have children, and how those choices can affect our friendships over time.

It's a conversation about connection, loss, loyalty and making room for relationships that reflect who we are today.

And there's more to come….

We're continuing to develop the podcast, and our next episodes will be a little different.

Alongside our longer conversations, we're introducing shorter episodes that focus on individual coaching tools and exercises you can try for yourself. Think of them as something you can dip into when a particular question or challenge is taking up space in your head. We want to make the toolkit part of our name mean something. Something you can actually use. And we've certainly got plenty more to talk about.

Listen to The Messy Midlife Toolkit on Apple podcasts, or or find us on Spotify too.

You can also follow us too on Instagram at @themessymidlifetoolkit.

And if you'd like to work with me…

The conversations we have on the podcast are closely connected to my work as a life and career coach.

I work with people who know something needs to change but haven't quite worked out what they want instead.

And I'll say this now: if you're looking for someone to help you put together a rigid five-year plan, I'm probably not the coach for you. Chuck the five-year plan away. Where's the room for changing your mind, discovering something unexpected or taking an opportunity you hadn't even considered?

But if you've got thoughts, questions and possibilities swirling around your head and don't know where to begin, that's exactly the sort of thing we can explore together.

You don't need to arrive with a plan. You just need to be willing to have a conversation.

Find out more about working with me or book a free discovery chat.